We would all love to live in homes that are havens of peace and well-being - places where family members are kind to one another and notice what goes well and right more than what goes wrong. To counsellor Laurie Simons, author of 'Taking 'No' for an Answer and Other Skills Children Need', this is a realistic goal and one that is worth striving for.
"Even when children are too young yet to truly empathise with others, they can still learn the skill of acknowledging," Laurie Simons says.
Acknowledgment means that you recognise and respond to other people for who they are and what they do. It is also a form of thanks and appreciation. For example, saying to your child "Thank you for helping me to bring in the groceries. I really appreciate not having to bring them all in by myself," is an effective use of acknowledging. You focused on what your child did but did not label him one way or another. He is now free to decide that he is a helpful person, based on your feedback. In this way, acknowledgment can be even more powerful than praise - which often can be vague (e.g., "You're a great kid"). "Factual observations give a child power to choose to act in ways that will benefit others because s/he knows what s/he did that was helpful," says Simons.
Acknowledging others is a way to encourage all family members to be kind and grateful, to consider others' needs, and to notice positive rather than negative things about one another. Here are a few examples of factual acknowledging that emphasise the outcome of the child's behaviour:
- "You kids played very quietly this afternoon. I hardly heard you. I appreciate the house being quiet while the baby naps."
- "Hey, I noticed you and your brother built a cool Lego car today. I feel really good when you two get along and have fun like that."
- "Thank you for cleaning up the bathroom after your shower. It saved me a lot of time this morning to have a clean bathroom."
Simons cautions that families often have favourite members who are easy to acknowledge and others who are left out in the cold. She says it is important that all family members be acknowledged. She also advises paying attention to how a child or adult receives acknowledgment. We all need to know how to accept compliments and praise from others effectively.