As we all know, there is not just one right way to raise children; there are several. There is no such thing as a perfect parent - nor - sorry to disappoint you - a perfect child. However, there are some general guidelines that parents can follow will help to raise healthy and happy children.
Show them your love is unconditional. Every day, tell your children “I love you,” or “You’re special to me”. You are responsible for correcting and guiding your kids, and it is how you communicate that guidance that makes the difference in how it is received. Avoid blaming, criticising or fault finding; instead nurture and encourage even when you are disciplining them. This will help them to understand that even though you expect better of them next time, you love them no matter what.
Be a good listener. Listening to your children tells them that you think they are important and that you are interested in what they are saying. Although it is often tempting, try not to interrupt them.
Make your children feel safe. Comfort them when they are scared and let them know what steps you have taken to protect them.
Provide routine and order. Kids need discipline, they need to know where they stand, to learn self-control and acceptable behaviours. Keep a regular schedule of homework times, meal times and bedtimes. If you need to change the schedule, tell them about it in advance so there are no surprises. They may test the limits from time to time, but they need these limits to help them grow into responsible adults. Establishing house rules helps them to understand what your expectations are and develop self-control; rules might include no TV until homework is done, no hitting or name-calling.
Praise your children, boost their self-esteem. When your child learns something new or behaves well, tell them you are proud of them. Children start developing their sense of self as babies; they see themselves through their parents’ eyes. The tone of your voice, every expression and your body language are taken in. This means that your actions and words affect their self-esteem. Therefore, praising accomplishments, even the small ones, makes them feel proud and allowing them to do things on their own makes them feel that you trust them and that they are capable. Ignoring achievements, making belittling comments or comparing one child to another in a negative way makes them feel worthless.
Criticise the behaviour, not the child. When your child makes a mistake, do not say “You were bad”. Instead, explain what the child did wrong. For example, say “Running into the street without looking isn’t safe”. Then tell them what to do instead: “First, look both ways for cars”.
Be consistent. Your rules do not have to be the same as other parents, but they do need to be clear and consistent. Both parents need to use the same rules and make sure relatives and baby-sitters know, and follow your family’s rules. One common mistake parents make is failing to follow through with the consequences of breaking the rules. You cannot discipline a child for hitting a sibling one day and then ignore it the next, being consistent teaches them what you expect.
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