As we all know, there is not just one right way to raise children; there are several. There is no such thing as a perfect parent - nor - sorry to disappoint you - a perfect child. However, there are some general guidelines that parents can follow will help to raise healthy and happy children.
Spend quality time with your children. Do things together, such as reading, meal times, walking, playing and even chores. What children want most is your attention, and bad behaviour is usually an attempt to get your attention. It’s often difficult for parents and kids to get together for a family meal, let alone spend quality time together. Do not feel guilty if you are a working parent, it’s the little things that kids will remember like baking a cake together, reading a book or going to the park.
Take note of the good things. Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you have reacted negatively to your kids? Sometimes we can find ourselves criticising more than complimenting. The more effective approach is to praise them for doing something right for example “I noticed you put all your toys away without being asked, that’s great!” or “you were playing really nicely with your brother then, well done”. Positive statements will go further to encouraging good behaviour than repeated reprimands for bad behaviour. If you find something to praise every day you will soon find you see more of the good behaviours.
Be a good role model for them. Kids learn how to act by watching your every move and actions, and the younger they are the more they will take from you. Before getting angry and lashing out in front of your child, take a breath and think “is this how I would want my child to respond to a situation in the future?”. Be aware that they watch and learn from your every move so if you want them to learn respect, honesty, kindness, tolerance and unselfish behaviour then that is how you should behave in front of them. Do things for other people without reward, be kind to animals and treat your kids the way you wish other people to treat you. ‘Do as I do and not as I say’ will go a lot further in helping them learn.
Remember the importance of communication. Kids deserve an explanation as much as adults do, so do not expect them to do what you ask simply because you “said so”. If there is a problem, take the time to explain why it’s a problem and invite them to be part of the solution. This gives them a chance to understand what your values and motives are.
Above all, understand your own needs and limitations as a parent. Let’s face it, no one is perfect. You have your own strengths and weaknesses, be forgiving of yourself. Except that you do not have all the answers and remember that taking some time to focus on your own needs does not make you selfish.