Communication ‘anytime, anywhere,’ means some couples find it difficult to connect offline and blame technology for relationship crises.
A lack of communication is the most common reason for increasing divorce rates as couples tend to sweep arising issues under the carpet instead of bringing them up and working on solutions. However, this approach is counter-productive as suppressed issues do not go anywhere, but get bigger and, often combined with an inability to express emotional needs, leads to a situation where two people live together in a permanent state of emotional deprivation. From there, their relationship slides downhill fast: partners, unable to resolve their problems in an open and constructive manner that will enhance their relationship, find it easier to divorce.
Social media contributes to this trend greatly as partners struggle to find the balance between their two separate lives: the offline and the virtual one. As humans have fixed resources of time and mental energy, it is a simple equation: if partners dedicate time to online activities, they deprive their relationship of the same exact amount of time they would otherwise spend in each other’s company, learning to enjoy doing things together.
Also, in digital reality it is relatively easy to dispose of an annoying friend or acquaintance with a click of a mouse. In this sense, social media is, in fact, quite anti-social. In real life, couples face the challenge of having to accept each other’s flaws and desires, and often find it difficult to compromise. In this situation, divorce becomes the equivalent of a mouse click.
How to safeguard and future-proof a relationship:
- Use less social media.
- Family time must always be fixed, and pre-planned, so people consciously engage in activities they agreed on and enjoy.
- Listen to each other with the intention of solving problems and helping your partner feel good. Try not to judge, point fingers, or prove your partner wrong.
- Married couples with families should regularly arrange for time without their children.
- Couples should regularly discuss what the relationship means to them. They should take part in pre-marriage workshops to learn about compromise in marriage and acceptance of differences in their partners.
With the advent of social media, couples find it increasingly difficult to express their feelings and respect as well as accept different opinions their partners may have. This growing issue is mirrored by the increase in the numbers of couples seeking professional help. As the social stigma associated with psychotherapy decreases and everyday stress takes its toll on physical and mental health of individuals, they still want to commit to their relationships, but recognise that they are not able to enjoy life together anymore. Also, many of them seek help for the sake of their children and they make a conscious decision and effort to resolve their problems and learn to feel satisfied in their relationships again.
The decision to commit and work on a relationship is a difficult, but necessary step as only those willing to make an effort towards common goals can succeed. Partners often find themselves out of their comfort zone since therapy is a highly interactive process where, under expert supervision, they have to open themselves to each other. But this is when their relationship starts to thrive again.
With thanks to Dr Hanan Kandil, Specialist Psychiatrist at Zulekha Hospital. Call 04-2678866, email info@zulekhahospitals.com or visit www.zulekhahospitals.com.