So how do you avoid raising spoiled children? In a nutshell, you need to start early in the toddler years by setting age-appropriate boundaries knowing that they will occasionally test the boundaries while you remain steadfast. Here is some advice:
• Establish your outer limits of safety. Use the word 'never' to emphasise this. For example, "Never touch the hot stove" and "Never run into the street". Relay what is and is not acceptable and never vary the message you give about safety. Some things and actions are 'never' things.
• Reinforce positive social behaviour in a similar way. Know what you will encourage, such as saying please and thank you and playing gently with friends. Spend more time reinforcing positive behaviour than lecturing on negative behaviour.
• Talk openly with your children about behaviour as they get older. School age and adolescent children are capable of insight, so sit down and try to figure problems out together. For example, if you ask a child "Why are you doing this?" they may not be able to tell you. However, if you say, "I wonder why this keeps happening," that open-ended question might give them the room to speculate. You might be surprised by what you learn!
• Stay calm. Losing your temper with bad behaviour only makes you feel bad and look out of control (kind of like a spoiled child!) and it does not teach the child better behaviour.
• Be consistent. Always do what you say you are going to do. If you tell your child there will be consequences to his or her behaviour, they should know you mean it. "This time I'm really taking the toy away if you don't play nicely," does not work when you have already said it ten times.
• Start early and consistently to set limits. Educate yourself so that you understand the developmental needs of the infant and young child to correctly gauge this delicate and critical balance between freedom and limits.